


Is your room free?

by itzloonatic



Category: LOONA (Korea Band)
Genre: F/F, Friends With Benefits, No Strings Attached, or... is it really, side lipsoul
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-17
Updated: 2020-01-17
Packaged: 2021-02-25 09:35:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,110
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22293856
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/itzloonatic/pseuds/itzloonatic
Summary: Sooyoung and Jiwoo are friends with benefits. No feelings attached. But when someone asks Jiwoo out, Sooyoung finds herself imagining herself in that person's place... and enjoying the thought too much for her own good.
Relationships: Ha Sooyoung | Yves/Kim Jiwoo | Chuu
Comments: 1
Kudos: 250





	Is your room free?

**Author's Note:**

> While I'm still working hard on my next fic, I decided to post this oneshot that was actually a commission for my BIG SUPPORTER [@psychorbie](https://twitter.com/psychorbie)! (thank you ♥️)
> 
> And while I'm at it, I created a ko-fi, so if you would like to support me and my work, feel free to! [ko-fi.com/itzloonatic](https://ko-fi.com/itzloonatic)
> 
> And if you would like a commission yourself, please message me on twitter for more info! [@itzloonatic](https://twitter.com/itzloonatic)
> 
> Hope everyone enjoys this story ^-^ ♥️

Sooyoung pushed the sheet down to her waist, resting her head on her arm with a satisfied sigh, eyeing the girl next to her. 

“Are you okay?” 

“Why wouldn’t I be?” 

“I mean, are you satisfied?” Sooyoung smirked. 

“Oh.” Jiwoo matched her smirk. “Yes, I am. What about you?” 

Sooyoung nodded, still feeling her heart beating fast. 

“I should dress up. Jinsol must be arriving any minute, no?” Jiwoo asked. 

“But she said she would be coming around eight.” 

“Well.” Jiwoo turned her phone to Sooyoung, who widened her eyes. 

“What, already? Did we just take two hours?” 

“It’s what you signed up for, babe.” 

“I’m not complaining, though.” 

Jiwoo bit on her lip and approached to kiss Sooyoung, so deep and sudden it made her whole body tremble. 

“Don’t start what you can’t finish, Jiwoo.” 

“Next time.” Jiwoo booped her nose. 

She stood up, and Sooyoung appreciated the view. The view of Jiwoo’s body, from the tips of her hair down to her toes. All of her was flawless. 

“When could we do this again, then?” Sooyoung found herself asking. 

Jiwoo irked an eyebrow at her. “Very soon, if you think you can keep up.” 

“It’s what you signed up for.” 

Jiwoo groaned as she clasped her bra. “How uncreative. But I like being signed up for this.” 

“We’re not here to be creative. Okay, scratch that, we are.” 

“So funny.” _But_ _Jiwoo_ _laughed along._ “Maybe next week?” 

“Alright, just tell me when you’re free.” 

“Will do.” Jiwoo winked at her and moved to the door. 

“Hey, I where’s my goodbye kiss?” Sooyoung frowned. 

Jiwoo giggled and walked back towards the bed, giving her the so desired kiss. “Actually, wanna do something tomorrow? There’s a movie I wanted to watch and Jungeun is busy.” 

“Alright, let’s go.” 

“Great! I’ll text you later with the time.” 

Sooyoung nodded with a smile, watching Jiwoo walk towards the door. As she opened it, she almost bumped into Jinsol. 

“Hi, Jinsol! And bye!” Jiwoo waved at her, then at Sooyoung, and left. 

Jinsol waved back, then stepped inside, closing the door. Her eyes found Sooyoung, still laying on her bed. “Put some clothes on, for fuck’s sake.” 

“Why, don’t like what you see?” Sooyoung wiggled her eyebrows. 

Jinsol rolled her eyes, half annoyed, half laughing, and moved to her bed. 

“You do like it.” 

“Yes, Sooyoung, you’re very pretty, but I don’t need to see your boobs right now.” 

“I’m just... laying down.” 

“Sure. I already know you’ve been having a great time with Jiwoo, don’t need to shove that in my face as well.” 

Sooyoung laughed. “It’s been a while for you, huh, Jinsol? Well, I can help you with that.” 

Jinsol blinked. “No, thank you.” 

“Look, I’m naked, it would even save that hassle for you.” 

“You’re gross.” 

Sooyoung burst out laughing. “Seriously, though, you just need to tell me if you want. I wouldn’t mind at all. Or maybe I could ask Jiwoo if she minded you joining in? Or I don’t know, ask Haseul.” 

“Haseul has a girlfriend, for crying out loud! And she’s in Hong Kong!” 

“I know, that’s why.” 

“I can’t even tell if you’re serious or not anymore.” 

Sooyoung laughed again. “Okay, I’m sorry, I was joking. About Haseul, though.” 

Jinsol threw her a glare. “It’s not you or Jiwoo that I want.” 

“I know, it’s Jungeun. I wouldn’t mind spending some time with her at all either.” 

“Is sex all you think about, Sooyoung?” Jinsol shook her head. 

“Alright, I’ll stop with the teasing, I’m sorry. Did I upset you?” 

“No, I just had a long day, I know you’re joking.” 

“Is everything alright?” 

“Yeah, just, I’m not getting along well with the person my professor set me up with for this project. We clash a lot, and my head is about to explode just thinking of it.” Jinsol massaged her temples. 

“You know, my offer is still up. I’ve heard sex helps.” 

Jinsol looked at her, but chuckled this time. Sooyoung stood up from her bed and sat beside her. 

“Would a hug help?” Sooyoung asked, opening her arms at her. 

“You’re still naked.” 

Sooyoung shrugged and rested her head on her shoulder. “Can’t you ask your professor to change your partner?” 

“We’re not supposed to change, but I’ll try. It’s not even a school work, it’s for a performance for an upcoming vocal concert.” Jinsol sighed. “As if I don’t have enough to do already.” 

“Then why don’t you ask Jungeun to be your partner? She’s a vocal major, and I’m sure you would be super motivated if you’re working with her.” 

Jinsol turned to her, eyes widened, and hugged her. “You’re right! That’s awesome, thank you Sooyoung! Though I’m not sure how motivated I’d be for the project itself.” 

“And I’m the one with my mind in the gutter. Glad I helped, though.” 

“I don’t even know if she’ll say yes.” Jinsol pulled away, pouting. 

“Hey, the Jinsol I know doesn’t have doubts when she wants to get the girl.” 

Jinsol chuckled. “You’re right. I don’t know, Jungeun… makes me feel something different.” 

“She makes anyone feel something different. I mean...” 

Jinsol opened her mouth, but closed it and hit Sooyoung’s arm. “Hey, off limits!” 

The front door opened, making both girls snap their heads to greet their roommate. But when she looked at them, she frowned. “Did I… interrupt something?” 

Sooyoung stood up. “Hey, Haseul! No, I was just comforting Jinsol, she had a rough day.” 

Haseul looked at her, then at Jinsol, and repeated. 

“Not that kind of comfort!” Jinsol shook her head with a giggle. “She’s naked because she was with Jiwoo just before I arrived, and you know how she is, she would walk around naked outside if she could. We were just talking, really.” 

“And aren’t you both so lucky to have the chance to look at my body?” Sooyoung pointed at herself. 

Haseul scoffed, moving to her bed and dropping her bag from her back. “Sure.” 

“Finally, some honesty. Alright, I’m gonna take a shower and walk to the bathroom in a very dramatic way so you can also admire my backside.” Sooyoung turned, flipping her hair, and walked to the bathroom like a model. 

Jinsol and Haseul shared a look and shrugged. 

\--- 

The choreography for that contemporary class had been so intense Sooyoung’s legs were about to collapse. She dropped to the nearest bench, taking large gulps on her water bottle. Another body collapsed next to her, panting just like her. 

“Hey, Sooyoung.” 

“Hey, Gyuri.” 

“How we feeling?” 

“Dead.” Sooyoung chuckled. 

Gyuri laughed along. “I saw you with a cute girl on Saturday.” 

“Cute girl? Oh, Jiwoo. Why didn’t you go say hi?” 

“I didn’t want to interrupt your date.” Gyuri winked. 

"Oh, it wasn’t a date.” 

“How so? Isn’t she your girlfriend?” 

Sooyoung laughed louder. “No, we’re just friends, and... well, friends with benefits.” 

Gyuri irked an eyebrow. “Really? You really looked like a couple. Are you sure you’re not dating?” 

“Look, I’m serious, she’s not my girlfriend.” 

“Okay, if that’s so, you wouldn't mind if I asked her out?” 

“No.” Sooyoung paused. “Wait, what?” 

“She’s really pretty and cute and bright. Exactly my type. You don’t mind, right?” 

Sooyoung blinked. “No. It’s okay. As I said, there’s nothing going on between us, so, go ahead.” 

“Great! Thank you, Sooyoung.” Gyuri beamed a her, then stood up. “I’m gonna go ahead, I really need a shower. See you around!” 

Sooyoung nodded and waved at her. 

There was no problem at all with it. Why would there be? They set that from the very beginning, that they were free to be with other people, or even start a relationship. 

So, why did Sooyoung’s heart still clench just a little bit? 

Nah, she was exhausted from the class, that was all. She chuckled at herself and drank more water, watching as her classmates left the classroom. Maybe she should do the same, take a shower and call it a day. 

She went to grab her things from her locker and checked her phone. There was a notification that always managed to put a smile to her face. 

_[_ _Jiwoo_ _]_   
_My room’s free._ _Wanna_ _come over? *wink*_

Maybe she wouldn’t call it a day just yet, and for some reason, she was even more eager to see and be with her today. 

\--- 

It had been almost two weeks, and Sooyoung didn’t know if Gyuri had already taken Jiwoo out on their date (she wouldn’t even question if Jiwoo would accept it or not, that was obvious). She felt like asking whenever she was with Jiwoo or had class with Gyuri, but it was none of her business, right? She shouldn’t even be wasting her energy thinking about it. 

And even if they already had their date, Jiwoo was the exact same with her, she wouldn’t just replace or discard Sooyoung. 

_Right?_

Sooyoung shook her thoughts away and focused on class, which was something she should be doing from the first second. Having the professor stop the whole class because of her was her scariest nightmare. 

Her stomach grumbled as the class came to an end. Sooyoung wiped her face with her towel and stretched her arms up, rotating her torso to her left, then to her right, and as she did so, her eyes found Jiwoo standing outside the glass door. A smile grew unconsciously on Sooyoung’s lips. She rushed to grab her bag and looking at herself at the mirror, she fixed her high ponytail before going outside. 

“Hi, Jiwoo.” 

“Sooyoung!” Jiwoo beamed, the sun shone indoors and Sooyoung’s stomach twisted. They never kiss as a greeting, but this time Sooyoung had to get a hold on her body not to hug her and kiss her right there. 

“W-Wanna go grab lunch?” 

“Oh, I’m waiting for Gyuri. She said she wanted to take me somewhere delicious. There she is!” 

Sooyoung looked at her side, at the all smiley Gyuri approaching. 

“Wanna join us?” Jiwoo asked. 

“No, go ahead. I’ll call Jinsol or Haseul.” 

“Alright. I’ll see you around!” Jiwoo waved at her, just as Gyuri did. 

Sooyoung gave them a forced smile and waved back, watching them leave and listening to Jiwoo’s giggles as Gyuri told her something. 

That was fine. Sooyoung was fine. The knot on her stomach was from how hungry she was, and the tightness on her chest was because she was still tired. The class had been difficult and drained all her energy. 

Not because she thought Jiwoo was there for her, or because she was looking forward to having lunch with her the second she saw her outside. 

Not at all. 

\--- 

The last class of that day was over at last. Why was Sooyoung’s body having such a hard time responding? She ate plenty for lunch, but for some reason, it didn’t relieve the knot on her stomach. Was she pushing herself too hard lately? Maybe she should head to her dorm and take the rest of the day to herself. 

Her roommates weren’t there yet. Her instinct made her grab her phone to message a certain girl, but she didn’t. It wasn’t because of what happened earlier at lunch. It was because she would take the rest of the day to rest, like she needed and deserved. Her chest still hurt, after all. 

She was about to fall asleep when her phone vibrated on the nightstand, making her jump on her bed. She reached for it, grunting upon the name on the screen. 

“UNNIE!” 

Sooyoung winced, pulling the phone away from her ear. “Hyejoo, why are you yelling?” 

“Why aren’t you yelling back?” Hyejoo said, her voice whiny, making Sooyoung chuckle. 

“Sorry, I was resting.” 

“Rough day?” 

“Kinda.” 

“Why don’t you call Jiwoo to help you with it?” _The mischief in_ _Hyejoo’s_ _voice was so evident..._

Sooyoung rolled her eyes. “I’m tired.” 

“You? Tired for sex?! Who are you and what did you do to my sister?” 

“Yah, who taught you those things, Hyejoo? Was it Yerim?” 

“Yerim?” Hyejoo burst out laughing. “ _I teach her_ those things, and I learned them from you.” 

A long, loud sigh escaped Sooyoung’s lips. “Don’t be a bad influence to your friends, Hyejoo. I’m not there to slap your butt.” 

“I’m glad you aren’t.” 

“Don’t you miss your big sis?” Sooyoung pouted, rolling to her side. 

“Maybe a bit.” 

“How’s school? And that girl you told me about?” 

“Girl? Who?” 

Sooyoung giggled. “What was her name? Gowon?” 

“Her name’s Chaewon! And... we’re good. Actually, we... went to an arcade after classes today.” 

“Oh, do tell.” 

“N-Nothing happened, but we had a lot of fun. She doesn’t give up even if she loses, so it’s fun to play with her.” 

“I see, I see. Tell me when you’re dating, yes?” 

Hyejoo coughed. “A-Anyway, what about Jiwoo?” 

“What about her?” 

“I don’t know, you tell me.” 

Sooyoung remained silent. “What do you mean?” 

“You not wanting to be with her? Something happened.” 

Sooyoung’s heart thumped so hard she wondered if Hyejoo heard it through the phone. The next second, the front door opened, and Sooyoung sat up crossed leg on her bed. 

“H-Hey, Haseul arrived. Go do your homework.” 

“Running away from the subject? Something definitely happened and you’re not tell-” 

“Okay, bye, Hyejoo!” And Sooyoung hung up. 

Haseul giggled, dropping to her bed. “How’s she?” 

“A brat, as always. Went on a date today.” 

“Oh?” Haseul raised her eyebrows. “You’re proud.” 

“I can’t say I’m not. She’s growing up well. How about Yeojin? Already got detention this week?” 

“Surprisingly, no. There’s still one day, I just know she’ll do one of her pranks and get herself in problems again.” Haseul sighed. 

“She’s a good kid, maybe you’re too hard on her. And didn’t you ask your friends Heejin and Hyunjin to keep an eye on her?” 

“I know, but I just don’t want her to give mom and dad a hard time, and sometimes even Heejin and Hyunjin play along in her mischief, so I’m not sure they’re that good of an influence. I’m not there to scold them, so who knows what kind of shenanigans they’ve been up to. Anyway, how are you? You’re not normally back so early, and it’s definitely strange that you’re by yourself.” 

Sooyoung sighed, the same pain on her chest. “I was exhausted and kinda sick, even in class. I think I’m pushing myself too hard and not resting enough.” 

“You’re a dance senior, you _have_ to rest.” 

“Yessss, mom. Where’s Jinsol, by the way?” 

“I saw her with Jungeun around the studios. They’re probably practicing.” 

“She’s serious about Jungeun, isn’t she? I hope it all goes well. When’s the concert?” 

“In two weeks.” 

Sooyoung nodded and silence took over. She hoped Jinsol finally found someone who could cherish her back, to have a happy and healthy relationship with, and why did Jiwoo suddenly popped up on her mind? 

No... _No._

She didn’t... _like_ _Jiwoo_ _._

She couldn’t. 

“Are you okay?” Haseul asked. 

“Yes!” Sooyoung snapped back. 

“Why do you look so terrified?” 

“W-What?” 

“Are you sure you’re just tired?” 

“Yes, I need to rest more. My stomach feels weird again.” Sooyoung laid down again, shutting her eyes down as if that would erase the image of Jiwoo from her mind. 

She heard steps, and opened her eyes to find Haseul squatting next to her bed. 

“I’m gonna trust that for now, but please talk to us if you need something.” 

Sooyoung nodded and smiled as Haseul kissed her forehead. 

She would trust that herself too. 

She _had_ to. 

\--- 

A good night of sleep seemed to have done wonders to Sooyoung. Maybe she had been pushing herself over her limits. 

But when her phone rang with a notification from Jiwoo by the end of the last class, Sooyoung’s heart clenched. For some reason, she didn’t want to open it. But she did. 

_[_ _Jiwoo_ _]_   
_Room’s free *wink*_

_Then call_ _Gyuri_ _._

Sooyoung shook her head at the thought, and felt like hitting herself. She wasn’t jealous, for fuck’s sake. 

And that was what she was going to prove herself. That she wasn’t jealous of Gyuri, or that she didn’t have any... weird feelings for Jiwoo. 

_[Sooyoung]_   
_*smirk*_ _On my way_

So, Sooyoung kissed Jiwoo like she always did. Eager, messy, but oh, so good. She didn’t waste time in making Jiwoo’s t-shirt fly over her head as they stumbled to her bed, just like Sooyoung’s was gone before her back hit the mattress, with Jiwoo kissing every available skin her lips could touch on. 

Because that was what they did. _Sex._

With no feelings attached. Because that was what they had agreed on, and it would stay like that. 

But when they were done, Sooyoung didn’t want it to end there. She didn’t want to get dressed and leave to her room. 

She eyed Jiwoo’s panting body laying beside hers, and all she wanted to do was pull her closer. 

“Jiwoo,” she called in a whisper, and she didn’t need to say anything else for Jiwoo to approach and snuggle closer to her chest, between her opened arms. 

If it was just sex, why did Sooyoung want to cuddle after? Why did she want to hold Jiwoo, squeeze her body against hers and never let go? Why did she want to kiss her forehead, look at her face and tell her how beautiful she was? 

It didn’t matter how many people Sooyoung had been with before, she had never felt like this with anyone. 

Sooyoung knew the answer, but she didn’t want to. 

She _couldn’t_ have fallen for Jiwoo. 

\--- 

She shouldn’t have realized it. It turned everything so much harder. 

Dancing was the only thing that helped keep Jiwoo off her mind. She did her best in class, but it was exhausting her once more. 

But laying down on her bed with a tired body weighing down on her meant she had no strength to fight back her thoughts. Of how great it would be to have Jiwoo next to her in that same moment. Not to have sex, though. Just... to be with her. To talk with her about their days, to rant about their worries, to spend time with someone important and special. 

Sooyoung sighed, hiding her face with her hands. 

How did this happen? 

She didn’t notice it. If she did, she could have done something about it, to prevent it, to stop it from happening. 

Maybe she should talk it out with Haseul or Jinsol. 

No, she had to deal with it alone. 

So, when Jiwoo texted on the next day, Sooyoung did what she had to do. 

_[_ _Sooyoung_ _]_   
_Sorry,_ _Jiwoo_ _, I can’t today. I have an upcoming evaluation and I have to practice a lot!_

She would be lying to herself if she said it wasn’t difficult, but it was for the best of them both. 

_[_ _Jiwoo_ _]_   
_Alright! Practice a lot, but don’t forget to rest and eat well and drink lots of water! I’ll be rooting for you, fighting, Sooyoung!~~ <3_

And it hurt even more because Jiwoo was always so cute and bright and sweet all she wanted was to tell her she could make time for her and run to embrace her. 

But she fought it. 

\--- 

Sooyoung looked around for the tenth time since she and Haseul got there. Jungeun was going to perform with Jinsol. Jiwoo was going to see her best friend, right? 

She had been avoiding her. Not ignoring her, she didn’t have the heart for that, but whenever Jiwoo message her, she would make up another excuse not to be with her. 

But Jiwoo didn’t even ask her if she was going. Maybe she was busy? 

But when Sooyoung observed as she entered the auditorium with Gyuri, she clenched her fists and looked ahead. 

_Of course._

She didn’t resist peeking again, finding them sitting a few rows above. Gyuri was whispering too close, making Jiwoo giggle and hit her arm. Sooyoung didn’t like the way it made her feel. 

“You okay?” Haseul asked. 

“Yes, excited to see them.” 

Haseul’s hand grabbed her still balled fist. “Then, why are you like this?” 

Sooyoung looked at her hands and let them relax, then met Haseul’s eyes. “It’s, you know, the feeling when you’re gonna see a performance and you want everything to go well and-” 

“Stop lying, Sooyoung, I saw Jiwoo coming in with Gyuri. I don’t remember the last time I’ve seen you two together. What happened? And why is it affecting you so much? I’m worried.” 

Sooyoung gulped. 

“I should have never asked for her number on the elevator that day...” Sooyoung mumbled with a loud sigh. 

“What?” 

“I like her, Haseul. That’s what happened.” 

“Oh.” Haseul raised her eyebrows. “You actually... like, _like_ her?” 

“Yes, and it fucking sucks because that’s not what we had agreed on, I haven’t been with her for I’ve lost count how many days, I’m always making up excuses not to be with her when she calls me, and she doesn’t even notice I’m acting weird! It’s so frustrating.” 

“I don’t remember _not falling for each other_ being a part of what you had agreed on. And are you avoiding her so she goes after you asking what’s happening? That’s a low move, sorry.” 

Sooyoung opened her mouth, then sighed again. “That’s not what I meant. I’m doing this because it’s the best for the both of us, I don’t want to ruin this... whatever we have.” 

“Let me get this straight. You don’t want to ruin your friends with benefits thing, and you’re avoiding that by rejecting her requests to do the... benefits with you?” 

“Yes? I’m out of options, Haseul. I have no idea what to do.” 

“Have a conversation with her, like the functional adult you’re supposed to be.” 

“In case you haven’t noticed, I’m not really functional. Falling for your friend that you were supposed to be only having fun with is the furthest from functional I could possibly be.” 

“Okay, admitting the problem is the first step in solving it.” Haseul shrugged. “But what if Jiwoo is just as non-functional as you are?” 

Sooyoung snorted. “That’s impossible.” 

“Why? Give me a valid reason.” 

“Just look behind us.” 

Haseul rolled her eyes. “In theory, if you were supposed to be hanging out with no feelings attached, isn’t it also possible that the thing behind us could be something like that too? What do you have to lose?” 

The lights went down, announcing the concert was about to start, saving Sooyoung from having to answer, because in fact, she didn’t know what to say to that. 

Sooyoung focused on the performances, doing her best in pushing Jiwoo to the back of her mind for now. 

A grin stretched on her lips as Jinsol entered the stage, followed by Jungeun. They bowed at the crowd, and Jinsol moved to sit at the piano, while Jungeun sat next to it. They shared a look and smiled at each other before Jinsol pressed on the keys. 

Sooyoung recognized the song, EXO’s _My Answer._ Jinsol was such a softie when it came to songs, nothing like her cool image, and Sooyoung was happy she was able to perform that song with Jungeun. The way their voices blended together perfectly and how they looked at each other during the chorus was so heartwarming Sooyoung felt like crying. 

And when Jinsol sang, 

_I’ve never felt like this before, like my breath will stop_   
_My head is filled with thoughts of you_   
_Your face, the sound of your laughter_

Sooyoung couldn’t hold a single tear. How could three little sentences from a song touch right into her heart, when Jinsol didn’t even know about her situation. Sooyoung sniffed quietly and fought harder the urge to look back at Jiwoo. She focused on the girls slaying the high note together, ending with eyes locked and big smiles. The crowd applauded and cheered as they bowed once again before exiting the stage. 

“They were amazing,” Haseul said. “And the way they look at each other.” 

“I know.” 

“Reminds me of someone.” 

“Are you going to tease me forever now?” 

“I was talking about me and Kahei, but if it applied to you, then I guess you have your answer.” 

Sooyoung glared at her. “You did that on purpose, didn’t you?” 

Haseul smirked and winked at her, and Sooyoung rolled her eyes. She and Jiwoo didn’t look at each like that. Well, Sooyoung did. There was any other way to look at her, though? At the smile that left the sun jobless? 

Sooyoung shook her head and looked to the stage, at the next pair of singers about to perform. 

When the concert was over, Haseul stood up, but Sooyoung grabbed her arm and pulled her down. 

“Let them leave first,” Sooyoung said. “Can you see if they’re leaving?” 

“Oh, come on, are you a fifteen-year-old kid running away from their crush?” 

“You’re being too hard on me.” 

“You’re not like this, Sooyoung.” 

“Yes, I’m not, I don’t go and fall for my-” 

“Sooyoung, Haseul!” 

She froze at the voice, and Haseul smiled, standing up. 

“Hey, Jiwoo.” 

“I didn’t know you were coming, we could have come together!” 

Sooyoung forced her legs to stand up and turn to them, as she cleared her throat. “H-Hi, Jiwoo, Gyuri! We didn’t know either.” 

“It’s okay, we can go together to tell them how great they were!” Jiwoo beamed. 

Sooyoung and Haseul followed them outside, as she tried to tell her heart to calm down. She couldn’t have heard anything, and even if she did, Jiwoo didn’t know what it was about. 

Jiwoo yanked on her arm, pulling her from her thoughts. 

“I miss you,” Jiwoo mumbled, resting her head on Sooyoung’s shoulder, and it did not help her heart, not one bit. 

“S-Sorry, the past weeks have been... hard.” 

“I know, I don’t want to make you feel guilty, and I’m not pushing you, I’m just saying. If you have just a bit of time to spare, don’t forget about me, yes?” 

Jiwoo looked up at her, meeting her eyes, and Sooyoung remembered Haseul’s words. 

And... _Forget about_ _Jiwoo_ _?_

Sooyoung wanted to scoff, but she only nodded, wishing her face wasn’t red. 

And did Jiwoo have to keep holding on her arm all the way outside? Didn’t she have Gyuri for that? She went with her, after all. 

She only let go of her arm to run and hug Jungeun, when she and Jinsol arrived, hand in hand. Sooyoung widened her eyes at her, and Jinsol gave her a nod with a shy smile. 

“Congrats!” Jiwoo pulled Jinsol into the hug as well. 

“I think she’s talking about the performance, though.” Sooyoung added. 

“Of course, you guys were amazing!” 

Jungeun and Jinsol shared a look, giggling. 

“Am I missing something?” Jiwoo frowned. 

“Just look down, Jiwoo,” Gyuri said. 

And finally, Jiwoo noticed their clasped hands, gasping and taking her hands to her mouth. “OH! You two! Did you finally stop being a tsundere, Jungeun?” 

“Yah!” Jungeun hit her arm. 

“You guys have no idea how many times I told her, just tell Jinsol how you feel, you don’t know kn-” 

Jungeun covered Jiwoo’s mouth with her hand, stopping her from spilling the juicy details. Jiwoo fought back, her words coming muffled and incomprehensible. 

And Sooyoung only observed, unaware of the silly grin painted on her face. 

“Whipped,” Haseul whispered near her ear. 

“Shush.” 

\--- 

Sooyoung knew those words were for Jungeun, but she couldn’t stop repeating them on her head. 

_Tell her how you feel._

If she were to ask Jiwoo for advice, would she tell her the same? Even if she had no idea it was her? 

She still had no idea if she should do it for real, but one thing she was certain of was that she missed Jiwoo just as much as she’d told her. 

The days without her kept building up, to a point Sooyoung didn’t know how much more time she would be able to say no. But, why did she have to say no? 

Haseul was right. She was doing what she was afraid of doing – ruining whatever they already had. 

So, on a whim, and without fighting it back, she grabbed her phone. 

_[_ _Sooyoung_ _]_   
_My room’s free,_ _and so_ _am_ _I_ _._

Not a minute went by and the answer arrived. 

_[_ _Jiwoo_ _]_   
_Omw_ _._

Sooyoung chuckled, but it was a nervous one. Her whole body trembled in anticipation. Jiwoo wasn’t even there yet, and her heart beat so fast already. 

The knock on the door made Sooyoung bolt from her bed. She opened it, taking in the sight of the girl she had fallen for. And before Jiwoo could even say hi, Sooyoung pulled her inside, closed the door and pushed her against it, kissing her with an urgency she never felt before. 

Maybe because it had been too long since she had felt the girl’s lips on hers. 

Because Sooyoung had been an idiot, thinking that being away from Jiwoo would help in any way. 

Jiwoo was fast to follow the intensity, her hands already all over Sooyoung, sending her knees so weak she had to hold on her shoulders. 

Sooyoung pulled away, her chest inflating with each heavy breathing. 

“Well, hello.” Jiwoo chuckled, panting just as much. “In a hurry, are we?” 

“You did say you missed me.” 

“Oh, I did.” 

Jiwoo kissed her again, pushing her body towards the bed, sitting Sooyoung down and following, sitting on her lap with a leg on each side of her body. 

Sooyoung closed her eyes at the feeling of Jiwoo’s lips on her neck, allowing her to take her shirt off so she could kiss her shoulder and collarbone as well. 

For some reason, having accepted her feelings just turned the whole experience even better, and Sooyoung didn’t know that was possible. Because it wasn’t just lust and desire she felt for Jiwoo. There was the affection, the... _love_. Not that it wasn’t there before, but it felt different. In the way she kissed her lips, the way her hands touched her skin, snaking under her shirt to make it fly over her head. She wanted to make it slower, to take her time to appreciate the girl who made her feel things no other had before. 

“I’m so glad you weren’t busy today,” Jiwoo mumbled in between harsh breathes, grasping on Sooyoung's hair as she kissed her chest. 

Sooyoung stopped and looked at her, at her eyes, and another wave of urgency she’d never felt before ran through her. 

“Jiwoo... I haven’t been that busy.” 

Jiwoo gave her a small smile. “It’s okay, I understand if you wanted time to yourself and to rest. You don’t have to give me a full page of explanations.” 

Sooyoung stared at her, wondering how she could still be left surprised by Jiwoo, by her kindness. 

All while Sooyoung acted so selfish. 

“Can I kiss you?” she asked, because she wanted to be selfish, just for a bit longer. 

“We already kissed for a million times, why are you suddenly asking that?” Jiwoo chuckled. 

Because Sooyoung didn’t know when she would be able to again, so, she kissed her as if it would be the last time. Jiwoo didn’t know the feelings Sooyoung put on that kiss. She couldn’t hear her lips silently screaming that she loved her. 

When Sooyoung knew that, for Jiwoo, it was just another kiss. 

Sooyoung finally pulled away after gathering enough courage to do so. 

“I’ve been avoiding you,” she said, and Jiwoo’s face fell. 

“What happened? Did I do something that upset you? Oh my god, I’m so sorry, Sooyoung, I didn’t mean-” 

“I love you, Jiwoo. That’s what happened.” 

The following silence was excruciating, and Sooyoung felt her heart clench harder by the second. 

“W-What?” Jiwoo mumbled. “But I thought we weren’t supposed to attach any feelings to this, and...” She stood up, avoiding her eyes. 

“I know, this was supposed to be a casual thing between friends. I-I’m sorry, I didn’t want this to happen, but... I couldn’t stop it.” 

Jiwoo took a step back, shaking her head with a frown. 

Sooyoung stood up. “I tried to, I swear, that’s why I’ve been avoiding you, to try and make it stop, but...” 

“I...” Jiwoo breathed, her lips moving but no sounds coming out. She grabbed her shirt from the floor and put it on before running to the door. “I-I’m sorry.” 

“Jiwoo---” But the door closed, the bang matching how hard Sooyoung’s heart hit her chest. 

Her sun stopped shining, and it was all her fault. 

\--- 

The door opened, and Sooyoung wished she had a room for herself. She heard steps, a bag hitting the ground, and more steps approaching her now. 

“What happened?” Haseul asked, sitting on her bed. 

Sooyoung didn’t have the energy to roll so she could face Haseul. “I told you it would be a bad idea.” 

A warm, comforting hand rested on her shoulder, and that simple act made Sooyoung want to cry. She sat and faced her at last. There was a sympathetic smile on Haseul’s lips. 

“Sorry, I’m not blaming you. She stormed off the moment I told her I like her.” 

“Did she tell you she didn’t like you back?” 

“No, but I think it’s pretty self-explanatory.” 

“I’m sorry to hear that.” 

Sooyoung remained silent, head down. “I ruined everything, Haseul.” 

Haseul sighed and instead of an answer, she pulled her closer for a hug. Sooyoung stopped fighting back the tears. 

It really hurt. Not the fact that Jiwoo didn’t like her back, but the image of her leaving, and the expression she had never seen on her face. Jiwoo was the brightest person on heart, and Sooyoung managed to somehow turn her always smiling face to... fear? Discomfort? Disgust? Which was it? 

The door opened again, with a humming Jinsol stepping inside. Sooyoung didn’t have the courage to leave the crook of Haseul’s neck. 

“Hi, hello, my beautiful friends that I love so much!” Jinsol’s voice filled the room, but there was a pause. “What happened?” Her lively voice died down. 

“She likes Jiwoo, she confessed, and Jiwoo stormed off,” Haseul explained. 

“Wow, wait, what?!” Jinsol sat with them, and another hand rested on Sooyoung’s back. “How did that happen?” 

“Do you want me to draw it for you?” Sooyoung sniffed, coming out of her little safe space. 

“Is that why I stopped seeing you two together?” 

“Yes. I was trying to get rid of this stupid feeling, but... It didn’t work out.” 

“Did she reject you?” 

“Yeah, she said she was sorry and ran away.” 

“She didn’t say she didn’t like you back, right?” 

“She said she was _sorry_. Sorry for me.” 

“You’re the one feeling sorry for yourself.” Jinsol shrugged. 

“Right?” Haseul shook her head. “Jiwoo could have just been surprised or startled. I’m pretty sure that even if she doesn’t like you that way, she’ll keep being your friend when she’s done processing.” 

“I can’t show my face in front of her again.” 

“Don’t say something like that.” Jinsol held on Sooyoung’s cheeks, wiping he tears away with her thumbs, and gave her a big smile. “Be positive. Didn’t you cheer me up about Jungeun? Look at where we are now. You can’t be all negative and saying you ruined things and yada yada. That will not take you anywhere. You have to come out of this like an adult.” 

Haseul nodded, eyebrows high. “Wow, Jinsol, so wise.” 

Jinsol waved her hair with a smirk. “I learned from the best. You two.” 

Sooyoung laughed, even if for a split second. “Lame.” 

But she was the one pulling them both into a tight hug. 

\--- 

Jinsol was right. Sooyoung had to toughen up and handle this like an adult. Even if she had gotten rejected, she still valued Jiwoo’s friendship way too much to let it be ruined like this. But what could she do? 

Jiwoo was the one running away, and if she did so, it meant that she was scared. Sooyoung wouldn’t just go after her and make things even worse. 

_If that was possible._

It hurt much more than she imagined to see Jiwoo around campus and not being able to run to her, hug her, apologize, beg for them to be back at what they were. 

But she always stayed still, observing the girl who lit up her world, walking with her friends, or _Gyuri._

Asking Gyuri about Jiwoo even crossed her mind, but the last thing she wanted was having Gyuri ask questions like, _why don’t you ask her_ _yourself?,_ or, _did something happen between you_ _two?_ Sooyoung would be surprised if she hadn’t noticed yet, but she didn’t care either. 

She didn’t know what to do, and doing nothing would probably be for the best. 

When she finished practicing her routine for five times in a row, _yes, an attempt to forget about_ _Jiwoo_ _even if for that bit,_ she noticed a notification on her phone. 

_[_ _Jinsol_ _]_   
_Are you free?_ _Jungeun_ _and I_ _are practicing a song and w_ _e need a_ _n_ _external opinion. We just can’t decide on this one part_ _!_

Sooyoung fell to the bench, panting. 

_[_ _Sooyoung_ _]_   
_Alright, when and where?_

Maybe spending time with her friends would be good. 

_[_ _Jinsol_ _]_   
_Meet us in half an hour, studio 3._

Half an hour should be enough for her to take a good and warm shower to relax her muscles from her intense practice. 

Not even a minute later, and Sooyoung knocked on the studio door, to no answer. 

_[_ _Sooyoung_ _]_   
_I’m here, care to open?_

_[_ _Jinsol_ _]_   
_We thought you would_ _be_ _late, so we left to grab some food. Go ahead, we’ll be there in an instant_

Sooyoung rolled her eyes, but opened the door and let herself in. The lights were off and it didn’t seem like someone had been there. She shrugged and let her body fall to the nearest chair. She was still exhausted, and some food would be great. 

_[_ _Sooyoung_ _]_   
_I’ll forgive you if you bring me something delicious._

_[_ _Jinsol_ _]_   
_Of course, you didn’t even have to ask ^-^_

Sooyoung enjoyed the silence before they arrived, because she knew it would get loud in there. But where in the world did they go to get food to take that long? 

The door finally opened. 

“Did you go to the other side of the city or what---” 

It wasn’t Jinsol or Jungeun that opened the door. 

Jiwoo froze when their eyes met, just like Sooyoung stopped breathing, and it all clicked. 

They were never meant to come. And it seemed like Jiwoo realized that as well, because she was about to leave. 

“Jiwoo, wait.” She stood, not quite knowing what she was doing. 

But it worked. Jiwoo stopped, hand gripping on the doorknob. 

“Don’t you have anything to say to me?” Sooyoung said, surprising herself with how easy the words left her mouth. “Don’t run away again, please. If you want to reject me, just do it properly.” 

Jiwoo raised her head, meeting her gaze for a second. She sighed, stepped inside and closed the door behind her. 

At least she listened to Sooyoung and didn’t run away. Because if it was a rejection that she had to hear, she wanted Jiwoo to do it as soon as possible, so she could put those stupid feelings behind and they could be back at what they were. 

That was what Sooyoung was expecting. She even had prepared her heart for that already. 

But she didn’t expect Jiwoo to crash her body against hers and kiss her without a word. It caught her off guard, but Sooyoung was fast to melt into the kiss, not even caring about if she should be mad, sad, happy, because it had been too long, _again,_ since she felt Jiwoo’s lips on hers. 

“I don’t want to reject you,” Jiwoo said, tugging on Sooyoung’s arms. 

Sooyoung’s eyes went huge. “You don’t? Then, why... why did you run? Why didn’t you tell me that sooner?” 

“Because I didn’t give myself a chance to think about it until you told me how you felt, and I panicked when you did. Because we agreed to be friends with benefits with no strings attached. I never questioned why my heart beats so fast if I see you around, or why I never want to leave your embrace after we have sex, or why I find myself thinking about you in class or before sleep or as soon as I wake up. And I ignored all of this, because we weren’t supposed to fall for each other.” 

“Yet, we did.” 

“We did.” 

Jiwoo smiled as Sooyoung tucked a strand of hair behind her ear, and the sun shone again, as bright as Sooyoung remembered it to be. 

“I’m sorry for running away,” Jiwoo whispered, dropping her head just enough for Sooyoung to leave a kiss on her forehead. “I wanted to apologize, but I was so embarrassed about what I did. I didn’t have any courage to face you and I was just about to run away again.” 

“It doesn’t matter now.” 

“And I can’t believe we had Jinsol and Jungeun tricked us! More like I can’t believe they had to trick us for me to talk to you...” Jiwoo pouted. 

“Hey, it’s okay. And so what if we needed a kick in the butt from our friends? That’s what friends do for each other, right?” 

Jiwoo giggled and nodded. “So... is now the time where I ask you to be my girlfriend?” 

“Will you be my girlfriend, Kim Jiwoo?” 

“Hey!” Jiwoo frowned and hit her arm. “I was the one who was supposed to do it!” 

Sooyoung laughed. “Okay, go ahead.” 

“Ha Sooyoung, from this day forward, will you be my girlfriend, instead of just a friend with benefits? Of course, I still expect all the benefits, though.” Jiwoo wiggled her eyebrows. 

Sooyoung cupped her cheeks and leaned in to kiss her lips once more, beaming like crazy. “Yes, of course. I love you, Jiwoo.” 

“I love you, Sooyoung.” 

Jiwoo kissed her again, and again, and they felt even better now. 

“Is your room free?” Jiwoo asked near her ear. 

Sooyoung smirked. “Missing me that much?” 

“I missed you, yes. But now it’s different. Almost like it will be the first time again. Didn’t you miss me?” 

“Of course, I did. But what about we go for a walk, and go grab dinner first? And call it a date this time.” 

Jiwoo grinned, that big, ear to ear smile that Sooyoung had fallen for. “Perfect.” 


End file.
